i really surprised by myself about my last entry is about 2 months ago! unbelievable!
anyway, after that exhausting production week of dance 1, the performance goes well. although i have some point i feel bad, i still enjoy myself on the two last performance. i free myself on the stage, i do what i can do relaxingly. you know what, sometime like me that make things too serious, do things too hard, that you can't make the "magic". because once you don't want to lose, you are not enjoy it any more. just let it happen. rehearsals time is past, time to enjoy the great time on stage. so glad that i can not compare to somebody else, i enjoy myself like i am watch my boy's performance. i don't care that wanna compare someone and me.i am what i am. i know what i have to do. the most valuable experience in dance 1 i think is the confidence and the leadership of a group. some kind of you are not work alone, the groups come to develop the energy, and i go on to build on that. not like "crossing", i just do my solo great. i have to lead everyone in when they watching at the back or in the dark. i know they gain my confidence and energy to the next part, and let the "dance" happen and go on. one day i talked to my boy, i said sometime quite strange that i some kind of i know how the "story" goes, but at the same time i don't know how far we can go this performance. that sounds like drama things?! anyway, i improve my pointe work a lot and i know myself better.
in the production week i have audition with CCDC, that they want a female dancer. i tried. the preparation not quite there. surprisingly, ringo let me have company class during holidays!
Christmas period, mom and dad back to SF. i have my christmas alone again. that was most stressful christmas i have even had, because i have to do lots of paper work for my future. i have two relaxing meals with natasha and poon.
after that "rest", i am not that ready for work again in winter term. we had 3 winter term this week. 1st week we had all day long with yuri that "workshop". brain storming, creative work, presentations, excerises. then, is the taiwan trip. two days, quite a relxing week. finding myself, not just work for people or teacher or directer, i am a performer, i should have my artistic choice. how breath take your movements? how much weight you wanna put on the ground? how you take movements seriously? like this is the last time you do this movements in your life every time? how life and death it was? that make me think after this weekend in taiwan. also thanks ah poon that let me know this opportunity to open my eyes. thanks my boy that with me in the whole trip, that you make me feel good =]
the 2nd week of the winter term, we have "cross stream work" with australian guest. we had audition on the first day. fast foot work and lots of counts. anyway, having fun in it. and of course, i am in the cast list, even though i turn up as a cover, i still happy about it. the most happy thing is sarah, debbie and me finally in the same school production! and this week we had our tough TM back, she clear our mind to the next step. sometime we just forgot what that likes?! for you is automatically, for us maybe is something else. i know things can simple and clear more. that's make you a great performing artist.in yuri's workshop, many excresises. many counts in cross steam.
then, coming up is the shainghai trip. the 1st time have trip with schools dean and heads. i have great experience like travel alone.but this time like seeing myself 5 years before. that i would like to choose "dance" for my career. i have no regret at all. i see they have physically well and the fire of learning new things too. why i am here? where should i go? what is my destination? what is my believe in dance world? how i can safely get a job and start my professional life? i know my technique is not quite there yet, but how i move and think is unique, right? how to promote myself this unique side? i think deeply in this trip. i have my artistic choice, how to let directer buy my choice? i am still too green? or i have to learn more? i feel i am pushing myself on the edge, once i off the edge, hope that i can fly.
how refreashing trip in shainghai, we have paris opera guest for last week of the winter term. intensive class. everyday, no more than half hour barre, last half hour must jumping already. fast, simple, warm, strong. we notice how weak we are now. and our lovely TM warning me that we have to show three big swan afterwards, don't stay too relaxing. okay, i am tense already. we start duet in both piece. ha, i have my lovely partner again same as last semester. yip, i have to start from the top, i have to push myself to lead him to show we can do duet! awww.... besides that, i try my best to keep myself clam, and thinking what is my next step.
saturday, i had a family breakfast with mom, dad and sis through skype. then, cleaning up for new year and for feifei and pongpong. yesterday, my boy and me brought them to have body check. after watch "bat man 2", i fell asleep at the ending. we have dinner with raymonde's family. how strong the family linkage between members? part of me miss this, part of me scare about it. i know i am selfish enough to chase my dream.
but, you konw what, that's the only way that don't let them worry about you is to work hard till you can take care yourself.
